Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
