jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
