shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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