After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
