Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
