Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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