I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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