they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
