remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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