She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
