I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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