it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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