I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
