Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
