Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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