It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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