Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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