Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
