I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
