Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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