when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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