can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
