I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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