I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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