you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
