My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
