I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
