My first STD was from a foam party
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
