Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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