I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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