Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
