i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
