i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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