I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
