I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's always time for handjobs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
