she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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