he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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