Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
