Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
