i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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