Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
third nipple confirmed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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