Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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