dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
