there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
