By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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