did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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