no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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