Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
