the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think my mom watched the whole time
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize