if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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