Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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