The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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