So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want her autograph on my taint
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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