i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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