she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
