I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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