She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
