what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
