i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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