You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
