I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
