I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
