everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
