walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
