Define "chronic" masturbator.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
