All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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