drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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