My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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