I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
